yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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