What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
