Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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