dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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