Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
