he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is my gift to your gina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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