I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
