and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
