just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
