you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
