I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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