took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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