I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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