insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
