and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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