i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
