wat bout pragnant strippers??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I believe in your delicious
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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