after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
