I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
