Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
