if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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