i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
