I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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