don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
