Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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