The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
my liver is dry heaving
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
