Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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