Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
