your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
