he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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