i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
