they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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