Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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