how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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