his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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