You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
