I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
