Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
