I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
