Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
