i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
