we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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