nut hugger
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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