I'm gonna have a badass scar
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
