we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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