Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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