Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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