I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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