mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
