If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize