I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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