Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
