She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
