So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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