you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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