well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is Oprah even human
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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