Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
