Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
