Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
