STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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