Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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