so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I could make wine with my vomit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
