Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
