Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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