I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
