so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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