like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
